I thought I should tell you all that I've finally spoken to the husband again. The first, and until this time the last, time that I spoke to him was July 29th. Friday (Sept. 5) he called and we were able to talk for about 4.5 minutes. He was given permission to call to let me know that his graduation date for Basic Training was moved up a week (thank goodness! They screwed up by making his graduation date a couple of days after he was supposed to start his Advanced Individualized Training and he wasn't going to get home until March!). I asked him if was happy and he said yes, so that made me happy. I know he didn't mean that he doesn't miss us, because every single letter is filled with how much he misses us. But I just wanted him to be happy with the decision he had made, since his happiness was the only reason I let him go.
On Friday, before the husband called, I was talking to some other teachers I work with, and my friend asked me if I ever am glad that the husband isn't here. I had to think about that for a minute, but I honestly answered that, no, I am never glad that he isn't here. I always miss him, even though I'm not always crying and upset about it (that only happens about once a week at the most now). But I have discovered that the whole thing is easier than I thought it would be. I thought I would have been committed by now, but I'm actually doing really well, mentally and emotionally. I'm glad to know that I am capable of handling this life on my own, even though I don't want to do it for the rest of my life.
A couple of Sundays ago, I was sitting in Sacrament meeting and I started thinking about the pioneer women and how they coped when their husbands were called away on missions or when they were sent to be part of the Mormon Battalion. I think my situation is actually kind of like theirs. Okay, I don't have to go plow the fields by myself and harvest the wheat by myself. But I feel like I understand how they felt and also how they were able to accomplish everything they did. They did it because they had to. There wasn't another option.
And now people ask me, "How do you do it?" And I can only answer, "I do it because I have to."