Saturday, March 26, 2011

Good News Can Sabotage You Too

This is only my 3rd post this month. I'd been doing so well. I was so proud of myself. My head was teeming with awesome ideas for blogposts. I was in the groove. A post with a picture and a quote at the beginning of the week, a post with...something else during the week.

And my writing? Holy cow! I was on fire. I was writing almost every single night. I had over 100 pages revised in Cinder Thief.

And then, I realized I didn't like my story anymore. It wasn't the story I set out to write, and yet I'd written an entire first draft and 100 pages of a second draft. So I started over.

And then I got the really awesome news about being accepted into Vermont College. And, for some reason, that stopped my progress in its tracks. I don't know why. Maybe because it felt just too good to be true, I spent more time thinking about that instead of my writing. Or maybe I'm afraid of success.

Does that sound odd? To be afraid of success? To see that what you want is right around the corner and so you decide to make a detour instead, avoiding what you've always wanted?

I've done this before. I've let myself give up on something because I was afraid. So, maybe there's a pattern for it in my life.

However, there have been so many other things I've been afraid of and I wanted to quit, but for some reason I didn't. There was a time when I was working towards my teaching certification that I almost threw in the towel and said, "Forget it." But something kept me from doing that.

Now, I need to find that something again and start writing again. Because if I stop writing, it won't matter that I got into that program (since, you know, it's a writing program).

The world I'm contemplating for myself is scary, but it's also exciting. It will be hard, but it will be worth it.


orangemily said...

It's so hard to juggle everything in life. Good luck finding that balance. And don't be your own worst enemy!

Alyosha said...

This post was so insightful. I know exactly how you feel and I do it a lot with my writing. Because, you see, I don't actually want to be published. Too scary!

Nicole said...

Well get on it already. Start writing again!!!! I will be first in line for your first book signing! :) (because I always feel sad for the authors at Costco that are just sitting there with nobody buying their book.) In fact, if you get your groove back and get your book published I promise to be a roadie and come to all your book signings and act like a crazed fan so that others will come over to see what's going on and then they'll see how cool you are and how cool your book is and everybody will buy copies!

HeidiPie said...

Now Nicole being a crazed fan...that I'd pay money to see. So, I'll be there too. Get writing!!! And while you're at it, can you tell me to get exercising?!!