Sunday, May 22, 2011

Left Behind

Originally uploaded by lightpainter

So, the Rapture has come and gone and I'm still here.

Okay, so are the rest of you. I think...

This spring has been a season of changes. My BFF Amy and I have taught next door to one another for 8 years. The wall between our classroom has a hole so big in it that we can pass notes, and occassionally candy, back and forth. And we IM each other constantly during the school day. We go to writing conferences together. She's my crit partner, my beta reader, and my writing group.

And now she's quitting teaching to follow her lifelong dream and go to law school.

My cousin Nicole and I are soul sisters. When we were younger, her dad joked that God knew that we would drive each other crazy if we were real sisters, so He made us cousins instead. Nicole gets me, more than any other person. And we're both trying to break out of our cocoons and become the people we know we're meant to be. When I talk to Nicole (which is not frequent enough) about how I'm feeling, about my desire for something different, about my fear of change, she KNOWS.

And she's moving from around the corner and across the street to Arizona.

I'm uber-excited for both of them! I can't wait to see where their journeys lead them, to watch them live their dreams, to become the people they're meant to be.

But I'm feeling like I'm being left behind. Much like the Rapture, the people I love the most are going to someplace better, and I'm stuck here, taking care of their pets.

Am I green with envy? Maybe I am a pale shade of sage, because I want to be going as well. No, I don't want to go to law school and I don't want to move to Arizona, but I do want to be moving forward, making big (yet scary) changes. But I'm not. Come fall, I'll still be teaching in the same room I've been in for years. I'll be living in the same valley where I've spent most of my life.

Here's the thing: I have the feeling that I haven't learned when I'm meant to learn and that's why I'm not making big, sweeping changes in my life. I just wish the Universe would tell me what it is I'm meant to learn, so I can study really hard, pass the test, and move on.

More likely, I know, is that I'm on my adventure already, but that it's a slower, more meandering kind of adventure that requires lots of little steps instead of huge strides.

I'd just like a map, you know, so I can see where I'm going, and how far along the path I already am.


orangemily said...

Hopefully you'll find it soon!

Hollie Robb said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Hollie Robb said...

I know just how you feel.

Liza said...

There is no reason why your adventure can't happen right where you are. Just give it a nudge. Think of one of your "someday" desires and start on it now. Take a class, join a group, schedule trips to local places you have never been. I have been doing all of the above for the last two years, and it has helped me feel like I am moving forward, not just staying the same. Good luck.

Nicole said...

I think we would've been great sisters as long as we didn't have to share a room. Me being the anti-hoarder and all. :)

Since you are a writer and all you just need to hurry and write the "happily ever after" to this chapter of your life so you can get started on the new "Once Upon a Time."

I know from recent experience that change will come right when you think you can't handle things remaining the same for one more single second. When you've endured beyond what you think you can. And then change will come FAST. Almost too fast. So fast that you lose your breath. It's a crazy wild ride, so hang on!!!!

And it's okay to be a tiny shade green. I don't hold it against you. :)

Donnetta said...

But you do have your own adventure ahead of you. It's called Vermont College and MFA.

Everything will work out!!

Amy Jo Lavin said...

You, too, are moving on to bigger and brighter things! You're going to blow them away at VCFA this summer, and before we know it, we'll be shopping for your books at B&N!

Joe Average Writer said...

You just have too much espanola in you. Tirandillo, mija. It doesn't matter how fast or slowly you go, as long as you're still moving. I'm not in any rush, either.