Why didn't I hear that before?

As I was cleaning the apartment again today, I thought, "Why didn't I just hire someone to come clean the apartment for me?" I actually had thought that before, but I'd always have an answer to convince myself not to do it.

That would cost too much money.

So-and-so can clean an entire house by herself. I should be able to manage this teeny, tiny apartment.

And, of course the old standby:

What would so-and-so and such-and-such think of me if I couldn't clean my apartment?

And now that it's the day before I have to be out of the apartment, and it still isn't in the same condition it was first rented in (paraphrasing from our lease), and I'm so worn out that I still couldn't finish it. I kept cleaning and it seemed like everywhere I turned, there was another mess that was impossible to clean.

That's when I began to think, "Why am I putting myself through this? Why have I made myself believe that a perfectly cleaned apartment is necessary," and, perhaps even worse, "Why did I spend every night TSH was home last week cleaning the apartment?" We don't know for sure when he's going to be home and we spent our last hours together cleaning?! That last thought brought a few, brief tears.

I wonder what I was doing last week that kept myself from hearing these little whisperings. I guess I let myself get so wrapped up in what others thought of me and my little panic attacks, that I didn't listen.

So, tonight, I'm going to put my boys to bed, do my reading for class tomorrow, and, before I go to sleep, I'm going to write a little prayer asking for some help to get me through tomorrow. Because, if I can get through tomorrow without being rushed to the hospital with another bout of anxiety (which actually causes more anxiety, because you then have the $300 emergency room visit to pay for on top of whatever caused the anxiety in the first place) and without freaking out at the apartment assistant manager during our walk-through, I'll be done with that apartment forever!

And we'll live happily ever after in our little house that I got after making my wishing shrine...which I'll have to tell you about another time.

Artfest 2009, Part 3

Here are some of the awesome people I met at Artfest. There are even more fabulous people I met, but I don't have pictures of them. Maybe next year. :D

My new friend MK is the lady in front. The other lady is lovely too, but I don't remember her name.
Here's Tami with Liesel, an awesome artist. I wish you could see her necklace better. It's gorgeous and I want it!

This is Cindy. She's from Salt Lake too! And she's holding Traveler, Colleen's traveling companion.

Susan Wooldridge is the lady on the right. She's crazy awesome!

This is my awesome new friend Tami and me. I have three days of hat hair here. Please do not judge me too harshly.

This is Tami's new boyfriend. He's buff, but he's kind of nutty.

Tami. We were having a dance on our last night.

Tami at Show and Tell. This is her piece of jewelry that will soon sell for hundreds of dollars!

This is Colleen, who I actually met about two years ago at the Farmer's Market here in Salt Lake. This is the painting that she painted in 3 DAYS! And she had never painted before. So awesome!

Artfest 2009, Part 2

Okay, seriously, I should be able to figure this out. I have a graduate degree, after all. But these are all backwards again. So, please start at the bottom and then scroll up. That's the way they should be seen.

My finished blocks are at the top of this and the paper has my poem from the first day. On the last night of Artfest, everyone brings something they created and they have Show and Tell. I have soooo many pictures from that night. I had to keep deleting pictures of my kids in order to take all of the pictures I did. So many inspiring works! Oh, and I had already saved the other pictures of the kids on the computer at home.

Another shot of my workspace and unfinished blocks.

Here's my workspace on my 3rd day with Karen O'Brien. It was tons of fun making these little collage blocks! She has the easiest, most awesome ways to make backgrounds. I can't wait to get into my studio and play some more with making them.

Here's the journal I made. I almost gave up at one point, but Pam came to my rescue.

Here's my second workshop, where we created a journal with Pam Garrison. Pam is standing there at the front table, on the right.

Things we gathered from the beach in empty matchboxes. I wrote one of my poems about the objects in the box on the left.

Here's the word pool we created together and then used in our poetry.

My first workshop was with Susan Wooldridge, the author of Poemcrazy, and this is my workspace that day, filled with word tickets and color chips and art postcards.

Artfest 2009, Part 1

Okay, here it is! The long-awaited pictures from Artfest! I'm going to do this in a few posts, mostly because I forgot that blogger puts pictures in a little bit backwards. So, this first set of pictures is mostly Fort Worden, where Artfest is held.


My lovely cell...I mean dorm room.

A yummy treat we got when we checked in.

The theme of Artfest 2009 was Sea Monsters, and I found Nessie one morning as I was taking a walk on the beach.

I'm sorry, but I had to take a picture of the lone boat in the middle of weeds.

The lighthouse, which I never got around to walking to.

The view from the stairs of my dorm.

I think this is the front of my dorm, but I don't remember. A reminder to post pictures sooner.

The back of my dorm, view from the Commons.